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Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts

Uncertainty

Thursday, 23 April 2020


I hope everybody is keeping safe in these times of uncertainty. Back to social media feels like when you're entering a room packed with people and you just came to say hi and have no idea who to give a hug or shake hands first. If its anything that lured me back is the beauty of the connections and all the similarities with the most genuine people I've met through this space throughout the years. 


With all the changes we've seen around us lately, I think introverts like myself are probably doing the best, as long as we're allowed to get some fresh air I'm grateful.  The twist here is when you get an extroverted four year old that likes to talk even in her sleep.

It's been a good time to check our privileges and blessings to be able to have a deep breath is now and today one of them allhamduleh حمداً طيباً 




 Probably the most I'm busy with these days is keeping up with Joud and her questions of why even the park across us has been closed? (people gather no matter what sometimes). One of my favourite questions of hers was how do viruses talk to each other? do they communicate mummy? 
I'm enjoying both Joud and Adam's presence all day, we've pretty much adapted with all the changes. The sleep-wake cycle in our home is the same as before for my sanity and everyone's happiness! 

I'm finding it a good time for more Arabic introduced at home as there's not much else we're doing and no one we're seeing, it’s the best opportunity to catch up with Arabic.  I'll share anything I might find useful I know many parents are in the same boat as us. I tuck them to bed and get on with things I've been simmering for long months now, something that keeps my hands and head busy and oh very happy! 



I've noticed lately since the lockdown the amount of pressure arsing from this pandemic on social media. Its the overshare of all activities, learning, and peer pressure if you may.

Don't get me wrong I'm all for using the time we're given in a good way. But there's a massive wave of the pressure for learning languages, baking bread, teaching quantum physics to your tot, doing 90 squats a day, and yet the worst (the no sugar no carb no this and that fad diets) spreading like  wildfire, not that we were ever short of. 

Its good that many are finding the opportunity and ability to do all of that (except for dieting I never support that), it really is. But it is not so good when it starts to pressure other people or affecting their mental health in this very unusual time. And like I expected the unusual extreme activities will plummet soon (I’ve seen they have now)..

People are losing their jobs, homes, yet worst people are losing loved ones and are not able to even touch them, people are living in isolation, the most vulnerable in our societies are at their weakest now.  Do you really think "it was never time it was always you" a good time to have this conversation?. 

Imagine all that affecting people in Tripoli as well, a year-old war has been the most damaging in the previous month, take care of yourself please and don't believe everything you see on social media. And don’t get me started with the “positive and negative” labelling god it does my head in.


 It's okay if you like to read every day but it's also okay if you don't feel it, it's okay if you've been defrosting your toast loaf for weeks and not able to find the energy to bake it yourself.  You don't lack discipline (like that horrible message circulating has been telling you). 

Remember this please next time you feel you're a failure for not using your free time wisely, you're not on vacation we are living through a pandemic it's not the best of times for growth, remember the history we read once about ? well, we're living it now. 



We're facing uncertainty with everything in our lives now, it's heavy it's a steep ride, it will get better, it always does, doesn't it? just don't add unnecessary pressure to something you can control, please. We can only control certain things these days so please look after the inside of you first.

Self-chosen isolation the thing all introverts do well is a good time to just know yourself, express your feelings, calm down, do whatever you like on your time under your conditions! so welcome aboard extroverted folks I promise you'll find good pleasure and you never know what kind of inspiration spurts through this time. 
Remember Isaac Newton made his greatest discovery of gravity in isolation (hence the apple photos ahem).




Praying with all hope to see you all safe on the other side.




Blossom away ...

Sunday, 30 April 2017





Spring is my favourite time of the year, there's something about it that makes me feel physically and emotionally well, except for the hayfever which elhamdullah I didn't get this year whoop whoop! I headed out the other day with my growing belly moving more like a walrus now haha to visit my favourite place in Stirling, filling my eyes with these beautiful cherry blossom trees.



Lately I've managed to do my second sunzdid giveaway,  I chose a very special date 10th April my father's birthday, I wanted to celebrate it this year in my own way, he was a very giving and generous person may Allah have mercy on his soul, he loved to draw a smile and was such a positive spirit that could light up a grey day.  So, I though to push myself instead of one winner why not make it three this time and help draw a smile on 3 lucky faces, as a small business owner myself I sure do know how it's hard to get there and succeed, by no means I'm suggesting I am, but I'm trying.  I wanted to give something back I just felt the need to give, hoping it might help them on their journey and definitely cut some expenses out.  


My father's absence still affects my life on a daily basis, I learned after one year and 3 months of his departure that I have my own way to deal with it that's special I try to live the memories and celebrate his life in my own way.  After baba passed away last year, the most that devastated me was him not meeting my now two year old Joud that he absolutely adored, it's something I still have to live with and breaks me a lot.  


I thought for so long how will I make Joud remember dad? they never even met, how could I possibly tell her all about him? how can I describe him? his smile? his personality? the strong character he was? I thought of putting up a scrapbook, drawing everything I could remember all our talks, dreams and those detailed memories of him driving me and my siblings to school, the very old memories that are over 15 years old!! years of memories imprinted in my brain, how could share them with my daughter?I had everything I wanted to use ready and waited for something to start, but I still haven't found it in me to put my dad in a book.   

If you've experienced a loss of a loved one, tell me how did you deal with it? people say time heals, but it remains an open wound forever. 







With Spring's fresh breeze, we are getting ready to welcome our second baby, exciting moments ahead I'm sure, I can't wait to meet the little one inside and can't wait to see Joud's reaction seeing her little brother or sister as we decided this time not to check the baby's gender.  A lot have changed the last year, I've managed to achieve many goals and dreams of mine but the happiness of so many things in life now are just not felt the same, the feeling of happiness from the bottom of the heart is not common without my dad, he'll now miss his second grandchild like he missed my MSc graduation that he was such a huge part of, and so many happy moments in my sibling's lives as well.  Life goes on I was told and it blossoms away...



May Allah grant you the highest place in Jannah

 and may his mercy be upon you 



see you in a better place papa bear x


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